Commie Terrorist USDA Wonders Whether We Might Eat Less Meat

...largely in response to the drought...

...some Republican lawmakers respond with outrage, e.g. pledging to eat twice as much meat...

Wow.

The stones on these people.

The USDA I mean, of course...

What kind of pinko liberal commie homo libruls float the idea, in an internal memo no less, that people might, perhaps, on an entirely volunteer basis, if they, y'know, want to, possibly consider...eating slightly less meat?

Not only am I going to follow Chuck Grassley's lead and eat two ribeyes every Monday, I'm also going to make sure that I always take in twice the allowed level of mercury and paint chips and crap like that. I'm going to call it "double e. coli Thursdays." I'll show those commie terrorist bureaucrats...

That's freedom fat we're talking about, my friends, and it is as American as deep-fried apple pie with ice cream, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, fake peanut chips, and bacon on top. Go large.

In fact, I'm proposing a new motto for the GOP:

                                                        The environment: fuck it.

Look, start making small concessions to the environment now, and the next thing you know, we're all going to be living in holes in the ground eating tofu and dirt juice with our organic, government-issued sporks.

Don't you remember that man vs. nature stuff that that one teacher used to talk about in seventh grade or whatever? What was that all about if not crushing man's natural enemy, nature? Huh? The planet has been trying to kill us for 6,000 years. I say we give it a taste of its own medicine.

Seriously.

I can't believe I have to explain this stuff to you people.