Occasional Movie Reviews:
Twilight Edition
OMFG why did someone not warn me about this movie????????
What an unutterable piece of CRAP!!!! Gah. I mean, it turns out that I'm like the only person in the country who didn't know about this. It's like a series of books or something that's big with junior-high girls or something.
Gah. I mean--GAH! Bleh! Seriously, that is some really crappy crap.
JQ and I had to fast-forward to the end. And then fast-forward through that.
Bleck.
It's like rarefied essence of teeny-bopper fantasy. As JQ pointed out to me, it's really all about abstinence. There's lots of way, way extra-super-overwrought crap about how desperately the vampire boy wants to bite the non-vampire girl protagonist...but how, like, he won't because, like, he respects her too much or something...until he has to in order to...you guessed it...save her life.
Whew. What an incredible stinker. Worst movie since The Coven[ant] ( = gay warlock porn). Which, come to think of it, it kinda reminded me of.
Look, you people are going to have to get better about warning me about this kind of crap. That's all there is to it. 'Cause, left to my own devices, I'm pretty much stupid enough to see anything with vampires and suchlike in it.
Twilight Edition
OMFG why did someone not warn me about this movie????????
What an unutterable piece of CRAP!!!! Gah. I mean, it turns out that I'm like the only person in the country who didn't know about this. It's like a series of books or something that's big with junior-high girls or something.
Gah. I mean--GAH! Bleh! Seriously, that is some really crappy crap.
JQ and I had to fast-forward to the end. And then fast-forward through that.
Bleck.
It's like rarefied essence of teeny-bopper fantasy. As JQ pointed out to me, it's really all about abstinence. There's lots of way, way extra-super-overwrought crap about how desperately the vampire boy wants to bite the non-vampire girl protagonist...but how, like, he won't because, like, he respects her too much or something...until he has to in order to...you guessed it...save her life.
Whew. What an incredible stinker. Worst movie since The Coven[ant] ( = gay warlock porn). Which, come to think of it, it kinda reminded me of.
Look, you people are going to have to get better about warning me about this kind of crap. That's all there is to it. 'Cause, left to my own devices, I'm pretty much stupid enough to see anything with vampires and suchlike in it.
posted by Winston Smith at
9:06 PM
12 Comments:
Did you not look at the cover of the movie? Or watch the trailer? What were you thinking?
GAH!
I hadn't seen the trailer, and I rented it from the big red box at the grocery store, so it didn't have a cover. JQ was sick, I ran to the store on the way home from campus, saw 'vampire' on the screen, was like "oh, vampires! How bad can it be?"
I found out. Oh yes I did...
And only two books/movies to go. No joke.
GAH!
I would've picked The Hunger, it was my first date movie with a new girlfriend, though she wasn't as big a vampire fan as I am............
See, now *that's* a great vampire movie...
Though--one might argue that it's technically not a vampire movie, since they seem to be cannibals, not vampires. But that's not clear...
No, they are vampires, just not the "Count Dracula" variety that we're used to.
But there's this one scene--just a flash...like less than a second--when somebody (can't remember who...Susan Sarandon?) sees one of the other ones (David Bowie?) crouched over what looks like a partially-eaten corpse. Or so I seem to recall.
So the suggestion seems to be that they don't just drink the blood. I'd take that to be pretty close to being definitive of being a vampire. Though, of course, you might say: consuming tissue is the crucial thing. Vamps are a type of cannibal, distinguished from other cannibals by the fact that they stay young as a result of consuming human tissue.
Oh, yeah...and they don't seem to be undead in _The Hunger_, do they? That seems even more salient to me.
See "Let the Right One In" It's sort of a Swedish Twilight, with the gender roles switched, and it's really, really good as opposed to awful.
Hey Looney Lefty..Anytime you want to debate the issues please feel free to bring it on. Please stay off of my blog if you think it's a joke. The only joke I have seen lately is your president. And yes I do want him to FAIL.
Wow, I think we found a fan...
Yeah, you heard the guy; Twilight sucks so bad it's going to ruin the Obama presidency.
Side note there have been shitloads of reviews of this that say, basically, 'bad idea or worst idea?' This is a good example of why it's a good idea to keep up on pop culture here and there, so you don't rent Twilight from the grocery store by accident.
I have a ton of female students who love the movie and books. I've often wonder why teens are so into an extended metaphor for abstinence.
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