When Will Victory Be Achieved in Iraq?
A Mostly Speculative Timeline
Phase 1 (Before the War Begins):
The war is in essence already over. We have already won! Right now Iraqis are stockpiling flowers and candy, sewing little American flags, and tearing up copies of Saddam Hussein's novel to use as confetti. Since victory has already been achieved, it would be not only unwise but literally impossible not to conduct the war. One can't win a war if no war is fought; we've won, ergo it is necessary that we fight. Bradley Fighting Vehicles are currently being retro-fitted with dozer blades to enable them to push through the mountains of rose petals that are sure to clog every street in Iraq.
Phase 2:
Mission accomplished!
Phase 3:
Nothing worth achieving is easy. We face a tough task here, and there's no way to tell how much it might cost or how long it might take. So we're not going to tell you. But make no mistake about it, America will be victorious.
Phase 4:
The Unites States will not win the war against the insurgency. The Iraqi people will win the war against the insurgency.
Phase 5:
Human beings will not win the war against the insurgency. Intelligent robots created by the mega-multinational corporations that will soon rule the world will defeat the insurgency.
Phase 6:
Human beings will not win the war against the insurgency. Our Neo-Human evolutionary descendents, endowed with super intelligence and Kevlar skin, will win the war against the insurgency. (Warning: This phase "just a theory" in Kentucky and possibly Kansas.)
Phase 7:
Rational creatures will not win the war against the insurgency. When the sun expands into a Red Giant in about 4 billion years, the insurgency will be vaporized.
Phase 8:
Look, when the heat death of the universe arrives, their explosives won't work anymore. Entropy will win the war against the insurgency.
Phase 9:
The insurgency will not be defeated by any natural force or creature. That, anyway, is not our place. Only God is fit to make such judgments. At the end of days, he'll make the call. And we all know who's side he's on. Then the insurgents will get what's coming to them. Amen.
A Mostly Speculative Timeline
Phase 1 (Before the War Begins):
The war is in essence already over. We have already won! Right now Iraqis are stockpiling flowers and candy, sewing little American flags, and tearing up copies of Saddam Hussein's novel to use as confetti. Since victory has already been achieved, it would be not only unwise but literally impossible not to conduct the war. One can't win a war if no war is fought; we've won, ergo it is necessary that we fight. Bradley Fighting Vehicles are currently being retro-fitted with dozer blades to enable them to push through the mountains of rose petals that are sure to clog every street in Iraq.
Phase 2:
Mission accomplished!
Phase 3:
Nothing worth achieving is easy. We face a tough task here, and there's no way to tell how much it might cost or how long it might take. So we're not going to tell you. But make no mistake about it, America will be victorious.
Phase 4:
The Unites States will not win the war against the insurgency. The Iraqi people will win the war against the insurgency.
Phase 5:
Human beings will not win the war against the insurgency. Intelligent robots created by the mega-multinational corporations that will soon rule the world will defeat the insurgency.
Phase 6:
Human beings will not win the war against the insurgency. Our Neo-Human evolutionary descendents, endowed with super intelligence and Kevlar skin, will win the war against the insurgency. (Warning: This phase "just a theory" in Kentucky and possibly Kansas.)
Phase 7:
Rational creatures will not win the war against the insurgency. When the sun expands into a Red Giant in about 4 billion years, the insurgency will be vaporized.
Phase 8:
Look, when the heat death of the universe arrives, their explosives won't work anymore. Entropy will win the war against the insurgency.
Phase 9:
The insurgency will not be defeated by any natural force or creature. That, anyway, is not our place. Only God is fit to make such judgments. At the end of days, he'll make the call. And we all know who's side he's on. Then the insurgents will get what's coming to them. Amen.
posted by Winston Smith at
7:42 AM
10 Comments:
"...the recrudescence of Islam, the possibility of that terror under which we lived for centuries reappearing, and of our civilization again fighting for its life against what was its chief enemy for a thousand years, seems fantastic. Who in the Mohammedan world today can manufacture and maintain the complicated instruments of modern war?
Where is the political machinery whereby the religion of Islam can play an equal part in the modern world?
I say the suggestion that Islam may re-arise sounds fantastic_but
this is only because men are always powerfully affected by the immediate past:_one might say that they are blinded by it.
Cultures spring from religions; ultimately the vital force which
maintains any culture is its philosophy, its attitude toward the universe; the decay of a religion involves the decay of the culture corresponding to it_we see that most clearly in the breakdown of Christendom today. The bad
work begun at the Reformation is bearing its final fruit in the
dissolution of our ancestral doctrines_the very structure of our society is dissolving." ---Hilaire Belloc, 1938
1400 years and counting on this jihad thing. No metrics available at this time; it's early yet.
On the bright side, the jihadists have apparently declared war on the insurgents. Al-Qaeda's calendar is getting a bit full...
Yeah, that's our problem alright...not enough Christianity...it's what made the Dark Ages superior to the Enlightenment...
If only we had more superstition we'd be better off...
And I say again: just 'cause somebody says it don't make it so...
Well, you can skip Belloc's Catholic apologetics at the end there, which are a separate matter. But his warnings about the nature of Islam over 60 years ago, including his chilling invokation of the word "terror," are at least worth consideration. Obviously the present world situation isn't a creation of the neo-cons.
The fact is that the West and Islam have been in conflict for over a millennium. It's unrealistic to expect nuances of foreign policy to resolve them, MBA-style.
If it weren't Iraq, it would be Afghanistan. Before that, it was the troop presence in Saudi. And then, there will always be an Israel, because if ever there's not, there will no longer be a Mecca, either.
And that's the endgame, partner. Anyone who thinks things can't get any worse has no imagination.
I just don't see how any of what you write here has anything at all to do with the point of this post.
Even if you're right and radical Islam is a threat...something I've never denied...that offers no defense of the administration's incompetence and mendacity with regard to predictions about the course of the war.
After all this time, WS, I can't be of any further help for your BDS, sorry.
But it's fair to wonder at this point if the Ba'athist insurgency would have persisted this long without willing jihadis to serve as cheap labor and cannon fodder. The millennial battle remains between jihad and civilization as we know it.
As noted previously, however, the marriage of convenience between al-Qaeda and the Ba'athists may be wilting. The non-jihadist insurgents seem to have an interest in living past the day after tomorrow. Good.
tvd, I'm pretty good about giving the benefit of the doubt re: your doubtful comments...
But if one of us is deranged about Bush, it ain't me.
All I asked here was that you stay minimally on topic, which you are refusing to do.
And here's a little rule of thumb: if you quote Krauthammer in defense of any position, you lose.
Well, since someone decided to bring world-renowned shrink Krauthammer's "medical" opinions into the fray (which seem about as astute as noted cat-eviscerator Dr. Fist's tele-diagnoses), here's a bullseye analysis of President Koresh:
C:\Documents and Settings\Phil\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\Content.IE5\4BSPEZOF\Boy President in a Failed World - by Tom Engelhardt.htm
Oops, sorry - bad link.
http://www.antiwar.com/engelhardt/?articleid=6603
OK, c'mon man, the BDS thing was a little evil fun.
But this is the topic.
Well, I don't think it's the topic *at all*, but I do regret getting pissed at a joke. I thought you were serious, so my apologies.
But I gotta tell you, man, my sense of humor is disappearing as fast as my idealistic view of my country...
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home