New In Scholarly Literature:
Duke [sic] Sucks

Ah, the long-awaited release of this no doubt soon-or-perhaps-eventually-to-be-classic...

Oh, does d00k suck? Really, I hadn't given it much thought...but, now that you mention it...why, yes, I suppose they do suck, don't they?

Let me say that I do not condone rabid dooque hatred. I think that relatively good-natured acknowledgement of their objective suckitude is a good thing, but it can easily be taken too far. I mean, coach Kay is not a good guy--basically Bobby Knight with a better PR apparatus--and they certainly have more than their share of Christian Laettners and Austin Riverses. But they also have their Shane Battiers and Reggie Loves. And some of my best friends are dooque fans. And I'm sure there are other things to be said in favor of the program, but what am I, D00kie V? You want to read nice things about dooque, you're in the wrong place, bucko. Look...ahem. but I digress...

Do I love their flopping, floor-slapping antics? Their boutique gym? The over-privileged Cameron fans playing to to cameras on DSPN? No, I do not. Do I like a style of play that consists primarily of hoisting up 3s on every possession? No. Do I think it's ok to scream at and berate the refs in pursuit of every illicit advantage? Negative. I do not like University of New Jersey at Durham basketball, and I never will. But I do advocate keeping it in perspective. They're like our annoying, over-privileged cousins from down the road; kids born on third base who think they hit a triple. It's not so much their fault. Privilege spoils you, on average. It's not all their fault.

But, heck, they're the second-best basketball program in the Triangle area, and it's good to have the competition.

(If you're reading this, Chip, let me apologize.     I'm sorry......that your team sucks BWAHAHAHAHA)