Zombies and International Relations

Dan Drezner at Slate.

He's not quite right on some of this. In brief, here are the actions these theories and positions prescribe in the case of zombies taking over, say, Romania:

Foreign Policy "Realism" (sometimes a.k.a. "Political Realism"):

F*ck the Romanians. What's in it for us? Description of a simple decision tree: would we gain more by helping the Europeans, or by letting the zombies eat them all and then taking their sh*t? In fact, depending on how the numbers work out, it's possible that we ought to side with the zombies against the Romanians. Use propaganda to make it seem as if we're helping the people, though. Image costs must also figure into the equations.

Neoconservatism:

Bomb Ethiopia. Or Finland. Or whoever we had an antecedent hankerin' to bomb. Same as above, but say some sh*t about democracy. Employ pious tones.

Social Constructionism:

We made up the zombies by believing in them. The mere power of our collective belief can bring things into existence. We are magic! Cover up your eyes and ears and repeat "there are no zombies, there are no zombies, there are no zombies." Until you are eaten.