My Alternative Counter-Terrorism Plan for the $200 Billion We've Spent in Iraq

Here's my plan for the $200 billion we've spent in Iraq. The plan is designed as a counter-terrorism plan, and, since our actions in Iraq are alleged to be part of the "global war on terror," my plan constitutes an alternative to the administration's strategy of invading Iraq.

My Plan for the $200 Billion:

Burn it. Put it in a big fucking pile, pour gas on it and burn it up. Reduce it to ashes. Scatter it to the four winds.

Wasteful, you say? A foolish allocation of funds? Au contraire, mon frere. Speaking purely from a national security perspective for a moment and ignoring humanitarian considerations, my plan is far, far more efficient and cost-effective than that of the Bush Administration. Had we employed my plan, at least we wouldn't be spending our own money to help our enemies, we'd merely be wasting it. It's rather like the difference between throwing away $1000 on the one hand and using it to buy $1000 worth of cigarettes on the other--at least if you do the former, you aren't wasting money and killing yourself. But since smoking cigarettes can at least provide you with some pleasure, that analogy doesn't really work. A better one: It's like the difference between throwing away that $1000 and giving it to the Aryan Nation for its recruitment drive. By comparison, throwing the cash away is positively thrifty. By comparison, it's a brilliant plan.

Sadly, we didn't adopt my plan. Instead, we used the money to fund a spectacular recruiting campaign for al Qaeda. Think about it: a TWO HUNDRED BILLION DOLLAR RECRUITING CAMPAIGN for an organization dedicated to destroying Western civilization in general and the United States in particular. $200 billion to attack a country that posed only the most minimal threat if any to us, while the man who wants to destroy us plots and schemes. Bin Laden formulates his plans against us, safe we know not where, while we expend our blood and treasure deposing one of his enemies and destroying a regime that posed no real threat to us.

Even if we find bin Laden now, what does it matter? He's in large part al Qaeda's financier...but now we're doing that job for him. And doing a much better job of it, I must say. I mean, the guy's rich, but I'll bet he doesn't have $200 billion at his disposal now does he? Bin Laden's a piker. Uncle Sam is al Qaeda's biggest financier now.

My plan also has the advantage of saving a large number of lives and innumerable life-destroying injuries. It does not, of course, address humanitarian concerns, but, then, that was never the real aim of the administration's plan, either. It is still possible that we will make life better for the Iraqis, and our blood and treasure will not have been worse than wasted. I fervently hope that will happen.

But so far as the struggle against terrorism goes, we'd have been a lot better off if we'd adopted my plan instead of Bush's.